shoulds

One of the little guys I have been working with is struggling with some anger issues; let's call him Andy. This is understandable considering circumstances. The other day, we met to discuss some things Andy could do to calm down. He'd been coming for weeks and was expecting to play (sand tray), but he took the news that we had other business to do with grace and aplomb. I told him we would be reading a book called, "When You are Angry." Andy took the book from me and said gravely, "Actually, I can read this now. Why don't you let me." I smiled and agreed.

After a couple of pages, Andy stopped and said, "We better write this all down so I can remember it." He waited while I got some paper and a couple markers. He instructed me to write at the top: Things that make me really, really angry. We added things from the book as we went and he spontaneously added other items, too. Then we got to the part of the book about coping skills. He stopped and asked me to change marker colors and pages to write down: Things that your teacher says you should do to stop being mad. We added to that list (in the correct color of marker, of course).

Then it was time to go. Andy requested a cover that he could draw on by himself. I asked him what the title should be. He thought and thought and finally said, "The things that make me mad and the things I SHOULD do."  I asked him if I could change it to: What makes me mad and how I can calm down. He insisted on the original and grinned, saying, "Now I just have to WANT to do what I should do."

Amen, brother. Amen.